i hate when i cry. even though i know that it is beneficial, cathartic even, still, it makes me feel weak. like i am not strong enough. i tell people all the time that it is okay to cry, yet when i do. i dunno. i dont even think he noticed that i cried, i have perfected the art of wearing a mask even when i know its okay to let it down. it hurts me so much to hear some things. i know that he needed to talk and i want to be there for him. i value his friendship so much. but to hear him talk about how he wanted to take his own life. i cant help but to cry. the kid doesnt relaize how much God can and does work through him. he needs to relearn to trust in the Lord. to remember what its like to find your home in the presence of God even when you feel like you belong nowhere on earth. he wants so desperately to be at peace, that he doesnt see the good that God wants to do through him here. he is still living moment to moment. sarching for the distraction. and i KNOW that it can placate for a while. it really can, but sooner or later (and i pray its sooner) he needs to work through, not jsut evade. he tries. i know that he is trying, but its so hard when those emtions that are needed to be faced are the same ones that take you to that place. the place that brings you smack face-to-face with the point of no return. the place where you cant wait to be. but nothing gives you the right to try to take things out of God's control. what makes you think you can do it better than He?